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| So, as of yet I do not have a fasfa loan because, my folks apparently make too much to qualify. This is odd because they made less this year then last and I had fasfa last year. Well with everything going up in price and all my dad is giving me the whole speech on only 4 years that he is helping pay for college. So, now I have to think about how I'm going to pay for my extra year needed to get me degree. I also have to find a job that will help pay these loans off. I am freaking out a bit since my sister has a whole pay off thing for working in the city for x amount of years to pay off her loans for her. I don't have that option since what my dad wants me to do is to become a nurse so I will get the same deal. I know he wants what is best for me but, one they don't have a nursing degree at millersville, and two I don't want to be one. I don't have what it takes to deal with those types of people. I am not a people person and I don't think I would get very far in that field with out being one. So, now I have to think what am I going to do, how soon can I finish up college and what job can I get right away that will help. I have a job for the summer which means I cant just quit that for something else right away. I keep being told by my one friend that if I work at petsmart this summer and during the year it counts for credits but I cant work and go to school. Last I checked my folks wont let me. So, now with the energy cost going up and everything, I am half hoping for the rapture to just come and finnish things up but, I know I have more people I need to witness to and my little problem is not really that bad when you compare it to others problems like losing a house to fire or something like that so I just need ideas on how I can work with animals while paying for college and will all work out. I pray and know God will answer my prayers and everything will be alright like it always does. sigh ok well until next rant bye bye. | | |
| Well today was a mix of sun and rain in weather and attitude. I got up and didn't feel like going to class but got up anyway then finally got ready and all and got a IM from my mom asking about money...again. Then I got to class which wasn't that bad. I went to the Lib afterwards and got some of my lab homework done. Then, I headed to psych and we went over a lot of names since this is the last week of classes and it ends Wed. I get done with that and its still rainy but I head out and go to my room and find one of the fish had died so I had to change the water and flush my first fish. (normally we have a burial for them but since I don't own the land here I cant do that. Then I had my lunch started but had to get some dishes cleaned then when I sat down to eat, my mom called to ask me something. Since the portable decided to need a battery charge at the moment I was stuck to the wall until she was done asking me things. When I got off the phone with her I got back to my lunch and found it cold. I decided just to finish it since there was just a bit left but, I was having a bad day anyway. Then I drove to Helping Paws and had lots to write which I'm fine with, then I got the box out of my car finally ;) and headed back into the SMC to get more of my homework done. There were some guys in there listening to the same offensive rap song again and again and then started singing it when it wasn't playing. I was really tempted to go onto youtube myself and put Disney or Lazytown on but figured that wouldn't make things better at all. Finally they stopped and I got some more done. Then I headed out to get some gas since I was on vapors which Thank God got me to the pump with out trouble. $20 later, and 5 gallons heavier, I headed back to my room with a happy car. Then had some cake got the check from Kelly and decided to get some down time over with. I was on Neopets listening to my yahoo radio and the song Bad day came on and led me to write my day down. Since then, I have had in sequence, Beautiful by Jim Brickman, Why should the devil have all the good music by Larry Norman, and No Doubt by Petra. I think God is trying to tell me something  . Well, I wont let it get me down, I will go on and I will be better for it. haha NOW the song He'll take care of the rest by Keith Green is on. I swear I have other songs beside encouragement songs on here ;) | | |
| Well, today was interesting. I was excited because we had our picnic with helping paws today and couldn't wait for it. Before leaving I decided in my extra time to do the dishes. As I was doing the dishes, I had my music on and for some reason Teresa come to mind. I know she was pregnant when I last saw her and that she moved to her boyfriend's out of state. I just got really emotional for some reason and was doing some serous prayer time with the dishes for her. When I was done with that I had a girl come over to look at the apartment so I cleaned up a bit and changed my shirt since it got slopped when I was doing the dishes. After the girl left, I was changing and decided on an outfit that looked really good on me and lotioned up since I didn't know what we were going to do at the picnic and didn't want to burn. I went outside to put something in my car and noticed the weather and decided to change again. When it was almost time to head out I checked facebook to make sure everyone had a ride and wasn't waiting somewhere for pick up early. As I was looking around I got a chat from Ruth Hess who I know from home. She said we had to get together when I got home to catch up and all, and then mentioned that Teresa was no longer around. I knew this but since she was on my mind asked more into it to see if she knew anything. Well the worst or close to worst was found. Teresa is not working, pregnant and drinks all the time, lives with her fiance who is on disability pay and they are living off of his sister. Not to mention the last they heard of her she had recked her car and the auto place was still looking for her to get payed. I was very upset to be sure but had to be the adult I am suppose to be and say don't blame her for being distent she is lost right now and all we can do is prey for her, which I truly mean but am still upset and really cant handle any stress right now with finals coming up and all I need with money and job and gas and every thing else. So what do I do, I use my defence mechanisms as they were intended. I go to the party and am my usual crazy happy self while on the inside ripping apart. I got to vent a little to the girls that were in my car but only a sugar coated version, then also to Kelly, but I don't want to do it too much because she is going through enough right now with her own stuff. So here I am with a headache now and frustrated more then before because its all out there. Now I'm going to go to bed early because I can no longer take the pain that is reality and am going to my dreams where hopefully I have a bit more control and can get some peace at last. 
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| Today as I was walking back from class, I passed the pond and saw one of the swans cleaning leaves out of the shallow part of the pond closest to the road. I had been thinking that it needed cleared out, I suppose so had the swans. Well like they say Nature finds a way. | | |
| I was waiting by the door of McCom for the bus and I realized something. In this past year and a half I was able to put two things on my immunities list. Thyroid diseases and Mono. Two things I can never have again. Wow I'm good. | | |
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